


Bare

by Grasshopper01



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Pining, Rated M for Mature Themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28805097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grasshopper01/pseuds/Grasshopper01
Summary: Sidney is not coping well, engaged to Eliza and missing Charlotte.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker, Eliza Campion/Sidney Parker
Comments: 179
Kudos: 297





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, _really_ missed seeing some raw emotion from Sidney after that horrifying confession to Charlotte. 
> 
> I kind of hope we get to see him a complete mess in S2. At least for a bit. I need to see him regretting it.

Sidney winced as he pressed the wet cloth to the cut above his eye. It was practically swollen shut. Not that he could see very clearly, to begin with. He had been bleary eyed from the get-go, as he had spent all afternoon in the tavern at The Crown. 

He hadn't slept properly in weeks, the only peace he could find at the bottom of a fifth or sixth bottle, when he could no longer keep his eyes open, even if he tried...when he couldn't feel anything, much less his heart breaking.

But this pain, he welcomed. He deserved to hurt. He hefted himself up to face the burly fighter who had several inches in height and reach on him. 

Babington's and Crowe's pleas registered dimly in his ringing ears. 

Babbers grabbed his arm. "Come on, man! This is ludicrous!" Babington tried to hold him back. "You know you can't win! You can barely stand! This isn't going to fix anything."

Sidney glowered at him with his better eye, and shook off his hand. He stumbled forward into the circle. 

He swung at the large man, striking nothing. He swung again, still not making any contact. 

And in that instant he thought about how exactly like his life this fight was. He was struggling, to no avail. He could not win. His eyes filled with tears of frustration, anger, desperation, as he tried to swing again, but was caught in the stomach by a solid punch. 

Sidney doubled over to the floor, then looked up in time for a heavy fist to connect with his cheekbone. He fell to the floor, gasping and gagging, blood and spit dripping to the floor. He pressed his cheek into the dirt, feeling like maybe this was where he belonged, so he didn't move or try to stop Babbers when he hovered over him demanding the end of the fight. 

He didn't fight or argue when Babington and Crowe gathered him up and hauled him back to The Crown, taking the back stairs to his room to avoid making a scene. Sidney broke away though, when they got him to his room, barely making it to the chamber pot before vomiting the contents of his stomach - strictly liquid, as was his diet, these days. He pulled himself up against the wall, and hugged the pot into his lap, then waved to his friends, in no particular direction. "Leave me."

He heard bits and pieces of Babbers and Crowe talking about him. "Can't...like this…Didn't realize…be back..." But then the door shut, and he knew he was alone.

He slumped further against the wall and closed his eyes. But even in the midst of the physical pain, and probably close to alcohol poisoning, he still saw Charlotte. 

Sidney growled out a sob. 

He missed her. He wanted her. He needed her. He loved her.

He hated himself for how weak he was without her. He was a fucking mess. She had _made him_ strong. Without her, what good was he? How was he supposed to do this? 

What if he _could not_ do this?

Babington and Crowe returned to the room, with fresh water and linens, to find Sidney where they had left him.

Babington approached Sidney slowly, while Crowe deposited their supplies on the bedside table. He had known Sidney was in a bad way, having seen him begin to withdraw and spend more time drunk, rather than not, back in London. But he had been surprised to receive a letter from Mary Parker, requesting his and Crowe's help with Sidney in Sanditon. Thus they had come and found him, drunk in the corner of the tavern, spilling his guts to anyone who would listen.

Babington reached down and took the chamber pot from his friend, then scooped his arms under Sidney's to try to lift him up. "Alright, old friend…," Babington grunted. "...you're going to have to help me. Up you go."

Between the both of them, Babington was able to get Sidney up, Crowe coming alongside, to lead him to the bed. They got him cleaned up as best they could, while he mumbled, and tossed and turned.

Babington looked around, the room in disarray. He ran a hand through his hair and turned to Crowe. "I'm going to stay. You can go on to your room. Just come fetch me in the morning."

Crowe looked uncertain. "Are you sure? There's a chair and the settee."

Babbers clapped him on the shoulder. "No, no. Go. No need for all of us to get a horrid night's sleep." He chuckled. 

Crowe chuckled, as well. "Alright. See you in the morning. But I'm right down the hall if you need me."

Babbers nodded. "Certainly."

He shut the door behind Crowe, then walked around to check on Sidney. 

He looked worse than ever. 

Sidney woke with a groan. He had been dreaming of walking with his mum and Charlotte, until his mum had disappeared like a cloud and then Charlotte had ridden away in the coach back to Willingden. A whimper escaped him, strangled, unbidden. He lay for a few moments, trying to maintain his tenuous hold on his emotions. 

He took several deep breaths, then squinted into the darkness of his room, the fire having dwindled, and offering nominal light. He struggled to sit up, grunting and moaning, and reacted with shock when Babbers suddenly appeared next to him, offering his help. 

"Fuck, Babington! You almost got clobbered! What are you doing here? What time is it?" Sidney leaned on his friend, despite his blustering.

Babington scoffed. "You can probably hardly lift a finger, much less a fist. I couldn't leave you in this state. And it's about four in the morning, I guess?" He propped Sidney up against his side. "Now, what are you trying to do?"

Sidney huffed. "I have to piss." With Babington's help, he got himself upright. "Just point me in the right direction."

Sidney slowly and carefully made it to the chamber pot and back, crawling back into the bed. He laid in the dark, staring at the ceiling. He listened to his friend shift on the settee. 

"Thank you, Babington." Sidney spoke into the darkness.

A quiet moment passed, before he heard Babbers speak. "Of course, my friend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drew some inspiration from Lady A.
> 
> I'm tryin', but then I close my eyes  
> And then I'm right back,   
> lost in that last goodbye  
> And what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do?  
> What if I never get over you?
> 
> What if I gave you everything I got?  
> What if your love was my one and only shot?  
> What if I end up with nothing to compare it to?   
> ...  
> What if I never get over you?
> 
> ~ _Lady A_
> 
> This will probably have 1 or 2 more chapters, as this glimpse of Sidney was my main focus, although I know it's gloomy.  
> But, things being so exciting right now, I don't want to rain on the parade. So, don't despair! 😉


	2. Chapter 2

The trip back to London with Babington and Crowe was far from comfortable. Every inch of Sidney's body hurt. And as he hadn't had a drink since two nights prior, his senses were plenty sharp. 

As the coach rolled ever farther from Sanditon, Sidney pondered the last twenty-four hours - they had been brutal. Babington and Crowe had read him the riot act, in no uncertain terms, and mercilessly sobered him up. He _almost_ would have rather gone another round with that giant who thrashed him in the fight. For, in addition to not being allowed to darken the door of the tavern, they had bombarded him with observations and questions he had neither the desire, nor the fortitude, to contend with….

Of course he was making a complete ass of himself.

Yes, he knew this could make things more difficult in the end.

No….no. _No_ , Miss Heywood would not want this for him.

No, he didn't want to die. 

Not really. 

But…

Sidney shifted in his seat, feeling his agitation rise.

He longed for her…. _ached_ for her. So much deeper than the ache that encompassed every fiber of his body, it touched every part of his being.

Sidney felt a tear escape his eye, and he reached up to brush it away, hissing at the pain in his cheek, though he tried to be careful. 

He looked at his friends, sat across from him, nodded off from having kept vigil around the clock, finally relaxed knowing he couldn't get into too much trouble trapped in a coach. But even as he appreciated their care and concern, he began to look forward to getting to Bedford Place - away from watchful eyes...and uncomfortable conversations.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidney tried to hide out at Bedford Place, handling business by correspondence, because he knew he looked a sight. His cheek was a terrible combination of yellow, green and purple. The cut above his eye was angry, and his split lip was not healing very well. 

However, he should have known his presence in London would not escape his fiancée's attention. So, he was only mildly surprised when she showed up two afternoons following his return. 

Strolling into the drawing room, Eliza pulled up short, taking in Sidney's appearance. She leveled him with a frosty stare, as she removed her gloves and sat down across from him. 

She sighed. "Really, Sidney. If you insist on fighting in these illegal matches, the least you could do is win. How on earth are we supposed to fulfill our obligations? We can't accept invitations and show up with you looking like this!"

Sidney glanced at her over his paper, but did not respond. He had found, over the last two months, that it was infinitely better for him to let her blather, and he nod occasionally, than for him to try to engage. 

He kept quiet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And so went the next few weeks…. 

Sidney avoided the boxing matches, to allow himself to heal, although he craved the physical exertion. His desire for Charlotte manifested itself in different ways moment to moment, but he especially needed that outlet when he remembered their dance, their kiss, the nearness of her body, the taste of her lips. But he tended to drink the need away every afternoon and evening.

Sidney tried to slow the drinking. He knew Charlotte would be absolutely appalled at his behavior, and not impressed that it was because he missed her. But the more Eliza planned - dinners, parties, balls...their wedding - the tighter his not-so-imaginary bonds became. 

One particular morning found him feeling especially sorry for himself, and he was firmly ensconced in his study with a drink that it was far too early for, when his butler, Yates, reminded him of a luncheon party with Eliza at Lord and Lady Donovan's. 

"Damn it!" Sidney leaned forward, his head in his hands. 

He had forgotten, but managed to pull himself together enough to arrive to collect Eliza at half past twelve. His glazed eyes drew her ire, however, and she spent the ride warning him not to make a fool of her, or himself, for that matter. He had to bite back a retort that he was surprised she cared so much for _his_ reputation.

Welcomed into Colworth House, Sidney and Eliza entered the hall. The trays of drink circulating were highly tempting, but Sidney hesitated when Eliza gripped his arm and clipped out, "Don't you dare," just loud enough for him to hear.

Sidney's jaw twitched.

Lunch was tolerable, but Sidney pushed his food around, and only spoke when necessary. When the meal was complete, and the men and ladies prepared to go their separate ways for drinks and gossip, accordingly, Eliza arched her eyebrow at him in caution before being drawn into what was likely a frivolous conversation. 

Sidney followed the men into the adjoining room where stronger drink flowed freely and a blanket of cigar smoke floated in the air. He felt immediately at ease, and accepted a tumbler of brandy, drinking it down quickly and picking up another. 

By the end of the gathering, Sidney had had more than was proper. He was no light weight and could hold his own, but Eliza was put out, and made no effort to hide her displeasure, berating him as they rolled through the London streets. The last thing he recalled hearing before she alighted from the carriage in front of her home, was her insistence that he appear sober for tea with her on the morrow.

Sidney arrived back at Bedford Place and wandered into the drawing room. He ran his hand around the decanter of port, eyed the bottle of claret, then braced both hands on the table and muttered, "Fuck!"

He had not yet had enough to drink to dull his feelings, but just the _right_ amount to intensify his already deep emotions. He felt angry. He felt small and weak. He felt desperate. He felt hopeless. He felt caged.

And he didn't do well with any of those feelings. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mr Sidney….. Mr Sidney…"

"Sidney! Wake up, man!"

Sidney groaned, then startled, trying to sit up, but falling back onto the…settee? Where was he? 

Sidney tried to look around but found one eye was swollen almost shut and his other was having trouble focusing. His head was pounding, and his ribs hurt abominably with every breath he took. 

He blinked, clearing the glaze from his eyes as best he could. He first registered Yates and Babington, looking equally appalled and relieved, then Eliza, eyes wide with shock in the doorway, of…. Where was he?

He took in his whereabouts, and his heart squeezed inside his chest so that he had to choke down a sob. 

He was in his mother's sitting room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidney sat in the study, staring into the fire.

He wanted a drink. Badly. But after what had transpired, Sidney had ordered all the alcohol removed from the house. 

He gripped the arms of the chair and closed his eyes, breathing as deeply as his battered ribs would allow. 

He was free.

Sidney sighed, sinking further into the chair of the study, his mind wandering over what had happened since he had returned from the luncheon party. 

He remembered trying to drink until he passed out the night before. But he had felt jittery, so he had called the carriage around to take him to the club that fronted the underground boxing matches. He could not recall much of the fighting, but supposed he had not fared very well, if his injuries were any indication. How he had gotten home was a complete blank, which horrified him. 

He must have gone to his mother's room, which he would do so often as a boy, and even a young man, when he needed her guidance or reassurance. The memory brought fresh tears to his eyes, and he let them fall. He had not cried over his mum in a very long time, but found that the last months had brought her more and more to mind. He truly needed her calming presence. Although, she would not have stood for his behavior, either. He smiled, chagrined.

Even so, she likely would have insisted he reconsider his arrangement with Eliza. She never cared for her, anyway. 

Sidney looked down at his hands, busted knuckles, red and swollen, and exhaled.

Eliza. 

When Yates, Babington, and Eliza found him, it did not take much to realize he had been fighting again, because he recognized the pain and tenderness. It took a few minutes for his mind to catch up and piece together the rest of the missing hours, however. Especially with Eliza's shrieking. 

It took her only seconds to go from a look of horror, as she took in his appearance, to absolute repugnance, as Yates and Babbers helped him up.

" _What in God's name, Sidney?!_ I told you no more fighting! We are supposed to attend Lady Susan's dinner party tomorrow! The Prince Regent is to be her guest! We _cannot_ go with you looking like this!" She glared at him from the doorway, her hand pressed to her chest in dismay. 

Sidney held up a hand. "Eliza...I…," he started, but the movement of his lips had blood seeping into his mouth and he spat into the hearth nearby, to keep from swallowing it.

Eliza recoiled. "No! Not a word, Sidney Parker. You are a waste! We could have been magnificent, but all you care about is drinking and fighting and pining after that little slip of a _girl_. Well, I will not have it! Consider our arrangement finished! Good luck with your good for nothing brother and his town!" She started to leave, but halted, whirling back to face him. "And I wouldn't be surprised if even Miss Heywood's standards are too high for…," she waved her hand wildly to take in his current condition, " _this!_ " Then, she swept out of the room, never looking back.

He sometimes could still not believe she had released him. (And, God, was he glad Yates had called for Babington, and he had, therefore, been present to hear her declaration! There was no going back!) But what if she was right? What if he had condemned Tom and Mary and the children to the poor house? What if Miss Heywood… Charlotte… was too disappointed in him? As it was, he had so many obstacles still to clear before he could even approach her. 

He wanted to feel relief, but truth be told, and to his surprise and consternation, he did not. Instead, he felt very much like a failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still awfully somber, I know, but some progress for Sidney. ❤
> 
> As always, kudos and comments welcome and appreciated. ❤❤❤


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. I truly prefer to post at least once a week, but it just didn't happen. I am recommitting myself to that standard, though. 😊

The morning after Lady Susan's dinner party, which Sidney did not attend, Yates rushed into the study. 

"Mr Sidney, this just came for you." He handed over a note.

_Mr Parker ~_

_There is a matter I wish to discuss with you. I will call at half past 10, this morning._

_~ Lady Susan Worcester_

Sidney looked from the clock back to Yates. Sidney sighed and handed the note back. 

Yates looked it over and smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry, sir. She must have sent her man ahead with the note as soon as she departed her home."

"Well. She's given me a quarter hour's notice. More than I deserve, I suppose." Sidney got up, straightened his cravat, and ran his fingers over his hair. But he knew there was nothing to do to hide the rest of his appearance.

He turned to Yates as they departed the study for the drawing room. "Have Mrs Hughes bring in tea for Lady Susan."

"Of course, sir." Yates took the next corner down to the kitchen.

Sidney went to the drawing room and waited for Lady Susan. He could only imagine what she wanted to discuss. He didn't have to wait long to find out though, as at precisely half past, Lady Susan arrived.

Sidney had never sat down, so he took her hand and gave a bow, before escorting her to a chair. She sat, and motioned for him to do the same. He sat. 

Susan gave him a thorough once over. Sidney shifted in his seat under her scrutiny.

"I can see why you neglected to make an appearance last night, Mr Parker. I have certainly seen you more fetching than at present." Susan arched an eyebrow.

Sidney cleared his throat. "Well. Ahhh… Yes. I do look much the worse for wear."

Susan hummed and folded her hands in her lap. "I'll get right to it, Mr Parker. You are a free man, now?"

At that moment, Mrs Hughes appeared with their tea. Sidney excused her, and took it upon himself to serve them both.

Sidney's lips managed to turn up slightly as he passed her the tea. "I see news has traveled fast."

Susan laughed lightly as she accepted the cup and took a sip. "I would not say that. I make it my business to know the business that pertains to my friends' well being."

Sidney nodded his head to let her know he understood. He took a deep breath. "Yes." 

Susan set her teacup down on the small table between them and looked at him directly. "And what do you plan to do with this freedom?"

Sidney sighed. "I assume you refer to Miss Heywood?"

Susan nodded in acknowledgement.

Sidney's eyes closed for a moment, before rising to meet Lady Susan's steady gaze. "I am sure you know I would love nothing more than to make for Willingden right away, but… as I'm sure you are _also_ aware, my brother and his family… Sanditon… their futures remain jeopardized."

It was Susan's turn to sigh. She looked down at her hands in her lap, then back at Sidney. "Eighty thousand. It is no small sum."

Sidney would have chuckled that she knew so much, if he had actually been surprised, and if the amount was not so utterly paralyzing.

He sighed, again. "Yes."

Susan looked at him for what seemed like forever, then broke into an encouraging smile. "Well, then I suppose you and I are fortunate to have so many friends with means. I have prevailed upon Lord Babbington and Mr Crowe, as well as my good friend Lord Westmere to meet with us this afternoon for tea. I believe between you, them, and myself - and the Prince Regent, by proxy, of course - we should be able to come up with a sound financial plan." She eyed him carefully. "Don't you?"

Sidney was dumbstruck. He had not wanted to beg of his friends. The fact that Lady Susan had arranged this meeting was discomfiting and humbling all at once. He had to clear his throat of the lump that was forming. He straightened up in his chair and gave her a small nod. "I would be most grateful."

Susan looked at him reassuringly. "I have no doubt." She paused. "Of course, the matter of Charlotte is a conundrum all to itself, is it not?"

"Indeed." Sidney looked away, shame and embarrassment making his stomach knot up. "I've thought of little else since the last moment I saw her." He swallowed thickly, the sight of the coach pulling away on the cliff just as fresh in his mind. "I...I fear she would not be very taken with my behavior, of late. I would not even know where to begin to reaffirm my...devotion. And who knows if _she_ remains free?"

Susan hummed in understanding. "That is a fair concern." She pursed her lips and gave him a shrewd look. "We shall see."

Susan gathered her gloves and stood. Sidney rose quickly and offered his arm.

"Well, I look forward to our meeting at 4 this afternoon." Susan cast him a sidelong glance, as they reached the front door.

Sidney nodded in affirmation. "Yes, my lady. At 4."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Sidney's head hit the pillow that night, he felt lighter than he had in months. 

The meeting with Susan, Babbers, Crowe, and Lord Westmere had far exceeded his wildest imaginings. 

His friends and Susan had offered not only money out of their own pockets, up front, but had promised to lease apartments for the next season.

Between them, and Lord Westmere, a well respected and brilliant businessman, they had developed a plan to increase efficiency on all scores, generate the income needed to offer Lady Denham a substantial and fair repayment plan, and still proceed with the work needed to repair the Terrace...and procure insurance, of course.

A letter to Lady Denham, bearing all of their signatures, had been drafted and was waiting for the morning post.

Sidney had taken it upon himself to personally write to Tom and Mary, informing them of the most recent developments - the broken engagement and the business decisions. It was not lost on him that Tom would still likely be as oblivious as ever to the sacrifices made - or avoided - to protect him and his family. 

Sidney expected he would probably get some push back, truth be told. The necessary changes and plans would require more from Sidney, and less from Tom, where Sanditon's financial future was concerned. Tom would not like being relegated to second.

Yet, while he knew he had plenty of hurdles still to clear, and new demands upon him business-wise, he felt a peace that he had not known in quite some time. And even though he had no idea how things would play out with Charlotte, he knew he was in a much better position to seek her out than he had been, just twelve hours prior.

Sleep that night came easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the coming days, the five of them met twice more, first celebrating Lady Denham's acceptance of their proposal. Sidney would have wagered it was not so much because she thought it was wildly profitable, money-wise, but because she could hardly turn down the likes of two Lords, a Lady and - she was astute enough to realize - the Prince Regent.

Upon their next meeting, they reviewed bills and contracts, and prioritized and divvied up social opportunities where they could promote Sanditon.

And that is how, exactly ten days after his life changed so miraculously, he found himself, along with Babbers and Crowe, pulling up to Lord Westmere's estate, just outside London. He had offered to host a dinner party, with all of the most respected of the beau monde in attendance.

Sidney was not completely comfortable making a public appearance, quite yet. His bruises had faded considerably, but tinges of color remained. Yet, he could hardly say no. So, here he was.

The trio of friends had just made their way into the large hall, greeting acquaintances, and Lord and Lady Westmere, when Lady Susan was announced. Everyone turned. And to Sidney's sheer delight and dismay in equal measure, accompanying Lady Susan was one Miss Charlotte Heywood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, some much needed positive developments for Mr Parker.
> 
> The response to this story has been a delightful surprise. ❤ Thank you doesn't seem adequate!
> 
> That being said, the story has acquired a life I hadn't planned. So, while I originally would have posted just the one chapter, I decided to take it a bit further with one or two more chapters. Now we're three chapters in, and there will be at least one more chapter. 
> 
> This fanfic writing thing is quite the journey! 😅😊❤
> 
> As always, kudos and comments welcome and appreciated. ❤❤❤


	4. Chapter 4

Sidney was nervous. Rarely did anything make him nervous, but this instance most assuredly did. When he saw Charlotte and Lady Susan making their way to where he, Babbers, and Crowe stood, he began fidgeting, adjusting his cravat and ghosting his fingers over the bruises he knew she would see.

It took an agonizingly long minute for them to make their way across the room but, finally, Charlotte was there before him. Greetings were being exchanged, but Sidney could not form any words. He watched her as she spoke pleasantly to Crowe and Babington, his friends taking their turns holding her hand and giving her gentlemanly bows.

When her eyes finally came to rest on him, his heart felt as if it would burst from his chest. He watched her eyes search his face. He almost teared up with relief when he saw the same affection in her eyes he had seen on the clifftop, and the balcony, and even in the hopeful look she had had when she leaned out of the coach when he chased it down.

But there was more in her gaze - a cloud of sadness - when he saw her eyes flit over his discolored cheek and scarred lip...a hint of hesitation when he took her hand and bowed over it, all but whispering, "Miss Heywood."

He watched her brow furrow, ever so slightly, as she held his gaze, then looked down at his hand holding hers, before withdrawing it slowly, and addressing him quietly. "Mr Parker."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the end of the night, Sidney was still not quite sure what Susan had thought to accomplish by bringing Charlotte to the party. They had had little to no opportunity for conversation, as the goal of the evening had been to drum up business for Sanditon. Sidney had spent the vast majority of the time laughing at the appropriate times, shaking the necessary hands, and extolling the benefits of Sanditon over Brighton.

The evening had gone well, but Sidney was emotionally exhausted by the time the night was over. This was really not his preferred habitat. And with Charlotte in such close proximity, but so far out of reach, he had played hell keeping himself on task.

When the evening finally came to a close, Lady Susan sidled up to him as he exchanged last minute pleasantries with a new patron. "Excuse me, gentlemen. Mr Parker?" She nodded her head away to indicate he follow her, and Sidney gave a quick bow to the men.

Susan placed her hand on his arm, as they walked away. "Charlotte and I are leaving. Escort us out, won't you?"

Sidney's insides stirred treacherously, but he nodded his assent, walking her to the foyer where Charlotte was waiting to retrieve her cape. 

Susan flicked her eyes from him to the cape, and he ducked his head before reaching over and taking it, stepping behind Charlotte to wrap it around her shoulders. How he longed to run his hands down her arms, and pull her close!

As it was, he heard her breath hitch slightly, and she looked cautiously over her shoulder, looking up at him through her lashes. "Thank you, Mr Parker."

Sidney smiled, slightly. "My pleasure, Miss Heywood."

He offered Lady Susan one arm and Charlotte the other and walked them down the steps of Lord and Lady Westmere's home to their awaiting carriage. He helped them both up, stealing a glance at Charlotte, thrilled to find she did the same. 

When they were seated, Susan leaned forward. "Mr Parker, join us for tea tomorrow."

Sidney glanced from her to Charlotte, but Charlotte had taken to looking only at her hands in her lap. He looked back at Susan, who gave him an encouraging nod. 

Sidney nodded, in return. "Certainly."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Susan and Charlotte had not gotten very far when Susan broke the silence. "You can tell me what you're thinking, Charlotte."

Charlotte's eyes closed briefly, then opened, to stare out the window for a long moment before turning back to look at her. Susan's heart squeezed at the tears in her young friend's eyes. 

"I thought I was prepared, from what you had told me. But, I… It was harder than I could have ever imagined." She sniffed, and Susan handed her a handkerchief. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidney arrived at Lady Susan's the next afternoon. Following her butler, he had expected to be shown into the drawing room but, instead, was shown into a large morning room, where Lady Susan and Charlotte already sat.

Lady Susan stood and welcomed him over. "Come, Mr Parker. I was actually going to take my tea out to the garden, as it is an unusually beautiful afternoon. You can take my seat and keep Charlotte company. I'll be just outside." 

Sidney watched a myriad of emotions flood across Charlotte's face, and Susan smile, reassuringly. 

He smiled cautiously and tipped his head as Susan walked past him and touched his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. He watched as she headed out into the attached garden, with a wrought iron chaise and table just outside the open door. He chuckled softly at her circuitousness, then quieted himself with a small cough, knowing now was not the time to be droll.

Sidney looked back at Charlotte. She looked at him, then at Susan's retreating form, and pursed her lips, before raising her teacup and taking a sip. She glanced at him over her cup as he walked toward her.

"May I?" He gestured to the seat Susan had vacated. 

"Of course." Charlotte gave him a small smile.

Sidney sat. 

"Tea?" Charlotte reached for the teapot.

"Yes, thank you." He reached for the cup. "Here, I can… I mean, you don't have to…"

"Mr Parker. I do not mind. Truly." She proceeded to pour and pass him the cup and saucer. "So, it sounds as if the last weeks have been very eventful for you."

Between her forthright manner that he loved and their fingers brushing as she passed him the teacup, Sidney was surprised he managed to hold onto his composure or the cup. He cleared his throat and set the cup down quickly. 

"Umm, well, yes. Obviously, Lady Susan has tol--" 

Charlotte silenced him with her hand.

"I want to hear it _from you_." Charlotte spoke quietly, but firmly.

Sidney fought the urge to squirm. All of his well rehearsed words fled him, with Charlotte before him. Her big, beautiful eyes seeing right through him.

"Yes, yes. Of course." He shifted in his seat. "Well. It has been eventful." He winced at her raised eyebrows and muttered, "But you already know that."

Sidney swiped a hand across his face. _Get it together, man!_

He pushed himself up straighter in his seat and took a deep breath. "These last few months have been a disaster. _I've_ been a disaster. I am not proud of my behavior. I have spent much of the time deep in my cups...or bottles, truth be told. I have been fighting, off and on...not winning, as you can see." 

He stopped, watching pain dance across her features. She stood, suddenly, and walked a few steps away to the window. He felt like he was hurting her all over again. Which he was. He felt the tears welling.

"I am so sorry, Charlotte. _Damn it._ Miss Heywood. It has all been very self serving of me, but the prospect of a life without you, tied to someone like Eli---"

"Mr Parker." Charlotte tried to cut him off, but Sidney rushed to his feet and covered the few steps toward her, quickly. But her surprise at his approach made him pull up, leaving her some space. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart.

"I wish I could say that I have met these recent challenges with the strength that you would find admirable, but I cannot." He sighed, and started to turn away.

"Why did you not write to me? As soon as you were free?" 

Her quiet question surprised him.

"Well. There was still the fire and the debt hanging over our heads, so…." He stopped when she rolled her eyes. He shifted his stance to face her directly. "What is it?"

Charlotte scoffed. "You are insufferable! Has this whole debacle taught you nothing? You tried to do everything on your own when you came to London the first time, and look where that got us."

Charlotte cut her eyes at him, and Sidney fought the urge to break into an all out grin. God, he had missed this.

But he knew there were serious matters at hand so, "You are quite right. I could not do it alone. Lady Susan saw that, as well. She stepped in, and we have formed an alliance that has put Sanditon on a favorable path. Even Lady Denham is agreeable." Sidney's heart soared at the hopeful glance Charlotte gave him, at that.

Sidney took a step toward her. "I've been so ashamed, Charlotte. I knew you would not be impressed with my weakness. I wanted to put myself right before I called on you, wanted to set the proper things in motion, because when I had you in my sights again...I knew I would never want to let you go."

Charlotte gasped, softly, and Sidney ventured another step closer. 

"Please tell me all hope is not lost...for us. I've been doing better. I haven't had a drink since..well...a couple weeks. And I haven't been fighting." He reached out tentatively, and touched her arm. "I want to be a man worthy of you. I want to be a better man...for you. Please. Grant me another chance." 

Charlotte looked down at his hand on her arm. Sidney thought he would expire from relief and joy and love when she reached over and laid her hand over his.

She gave him a small smile. "We shall see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooohoooo!!! 🎉🎉🎉
> 
> I'm feeling pretty good about where Sidney and Charlotte are, and I hope you are, too. 
> 
> I know I've already said it - if not in my notes, then definitely in my comments - but the response to this story has been nothing short of amazing. ❤ I can't thank you all enough for that. 
> 
> I know some have requested it continue, delving into their reconciliation. My thing is, I have other stories I want to write, and I don't know if I'm one of the ones who can have 2, 3, 4, or more stories going at once, because I truly don't want to sacrifice quality, ever.
> 
> So, I guess my question is: would you be ok with less frequent updates, in exchange for a few more chapters? I don't even know if _I'm_ ok with less frequent updates, but I want to give y'all the opportunity for input.
> 
> So, let me know below. 
> 
> Y'all are amazing. ❤❤❤
> 
> As always, kudos and comments welcome and appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me, but this is a suuuuper short chapter. I just didn't want to make y'all wait any longer. 🙃
> 
> On the plus side, it is very sweet, although Charlotte says some important things. ❤

The next few weeks were packed to the brim. Sanditon was well on its way to recovery, but that meant meetings upon meetings, daily correspondences (sometimes hourly, it seemed), while social appearances and dinner parties rounded everything out. More often than not, Sidney woke already exhausted just at the thought of the day ahead, and fell into bed every night. However, he would not have changed any of it. Well, maybe he would. If all worries and commitments could be banished and he could whisk Charlotte away, he absolutely would. Alas, since he could not, and even though he was indeed busier than ever, he made spending time with Charlotte every day a non-negotiable.

His time with her, however brief, was his most precious and anticipated time of each day. Some days he only had time to make an appearance with a flower or a book. Many times, Susan invited him for tea, only to "disappear," and they would sit closer than appropriate as they talked about their goings on and he filled Charlotte in on Sanditon and asked her opinions. 

He wanted nothing more than to kneel before her and ask for her hand, so he could rightfully include her in all his business, among other things, but there were times he still sensed an uneasiness from her. And so he would reaffirm his commitment, to himself and to her, to do whatever he must to prove himself worthy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidney tucked Charlotte's hand into the crook of his arm as they set about to promenade. It was unseasonably warm and the sun was shining, so Lady Susan had recommended a stroll in the park, before tea. They had not been there long when Susan happened upon friends and stopped to chat. She motioned them on with her eyes, and Sidney once again thanked God for Lady Susan.

When they had put some distance between themselves and others strolling through the park, Sidney turned to watch Charlotte from the corner of his eye. 

"You have been awfully quiet today. In fact, you've been very quiet the last two days." He saw Charlotte's face fall ever so slightly, and he brought them to a halt. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, held safe in his arm, and watched her eyes fall to the contact. Her breath caught lightly and he smiled to himself. Whatever it was, it could not be so bad.

"These past weeks have gone by so fast. I was only slated to spend a month with Susan, and that time is almost up." She looked up at him with tearful eyes.

Sidney's eyebrows rose, and he stopped breathing for a moment. He had not realized. He had been so busy, so lost in their time together. How had he not noticed the days literally disappearing?

"I… I must have completely lost track of time." Sidney began to fidget and stepped away, taking up pacing in front of her. "I thought we had more time… I _need_ more time." He ran a hand around his neck, frustration quickly clouding his features and causing his relaxed demeanor from just moments before to evaporate. 

Charlotte stepped close to him and placed her hand, once again, on his arm. "Sidney."

Her use of his Christian name never failed to stir him, and this time, it drew him back from the edge of imminent distress. 

He stopped and took a breath, giving her a small smile. "Forgive me. I'm fine. I simply do not want you to go. I know you must, but… Well. I still had things I wished for us to discuss. We will just have to talk about them sooner rather than later. Which suits me, truly! I just wanted more time with you… more time to prove myself…"

He watched her expressions change from worry to amusement to curiosity to understanding. 

"Sidney." His name was a whisper, and it was all she said for a few moments, but he could tell by her tone and the tiny furrow between her brows that she had more to say, so he waited. 

She closed her eyes briefly, then raised them to his. "You have more than proven yourself to me. But I want you to know that you are not the only one who handled our parting badly. You are not the only one who was distraught. My parents worried for me. I was despairing. Despondent, even. I did not leave my room, and ate very little for days when I first returned home."

Sidney's heart broke at her words and the tears hovering on her lashes. "Charlotte," he began, ready to apologize, once again. He would never forgive himself for failing her.

She blinked her tears away rapidly and looked up at him with a smile, and a firm grip on his arm. "No. No! I am not telling you this to make you feel badly, as I know you have, and still do, at times. I'm telling you this because I want you to see… _I understand_. And I don't hold it against you. Not at all. Of course, I would have liked for you to have found better ways to cope. Knowing how you made yourself suffer…. we both did... And I see with utter clarity that we are _both_ better together."

Sidney's heart felt at once as if it was going to burst and had been mended back together. Tears welled in his own eyes. He let his gaze wander over her face, taking in the moment, chuckling softly at the complete sop he had become compared to the brute from several months ago. He dropped his head, and gave her a shy smile. 

She smiled in return. But when her eyes flitted over his face, only to rest briefly on his lips, he felt longing wash over him.

He laid his hand over hers and glanced around, then looked back at her, hoping his eyes were conveying even a measure of all that he was feeling. 

"I wish we were back on the clifftop," Sidney whispered and let his fingers lightly trace around her wrist. 

"So do I," she replied softly. 

He grinned at the blush that rose in her cheeks and flushed down her neck and across her chest.

"Soon," Sidney promised.

"I'm holding you to that, Mr Parker." She held his gaze, her earnestness evident. 

Sidney picked her hand up from his arm and placed it over his heart. "I so swear." 

And with that, he turned them back to find Lady Susan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is promenade getting worn out, with Bridgerton fresh in everyone's minds? 😅
> 
> And I may be pushing the envelope with all the touching, seeing as how they are not engaged. But we're just going with it. 😉
> 
> More to come soon. ❤


End file.
